Jersey Shore Family unit Holiday Recap: Meatball'due south Eleven

I'm so thrilled to tell you that the 2040 reboot of MTV's What Was In one case the Bailiwick of jersey Shore But Has Been Desperately Eroded past Climate change And then Now All We Have Is This Makeshift Floating Isle Fashioned from Reclaimed Boardwalk Pranks and Expired Hair Gel just signed up a new bandage member: Nicole is meaning! May her third child be a meatballsculine child.

Where last we left them, Ron invited Angelina'due south friend, a adult female with a human proper noun who nonetheless prefers to be addressed equally Jewish Barbie, to slumber in his bed. "How could he want to practice this?" a dumbfounded Pauly asks his ain pillow in the night. An respond is not forthcoming.

Schrödinger's Cheater takes a shower as Jewish Barbie curls up under the covers. "And in that location goes my life," nosotros hear him monologue through the bathroom door. "Not gonna exist good. Nothing almost this is proficient. Nothing good can come up from this. Ever. Ever. E'er. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. E'er. Always." Apparently, exactly nine evers and not a unmarried ever fewer is the push Ron needs to abstain from cocky-destruction. He wanders downstairs and whiles away the remaining hours until sunrise moodily smoking and texting. Jenni is impressed to hear that no smushing occurred; it is depressing that this passes for growth on Ron's function.

The star of the one-man testify that is Jersey Shore Toxic Relationship announces that, "apparently," he's single again, post-obit another volley of fucked-up messages from Jen. He'due south ready to have a step back from his baby's mother, he says, which would be more encouraging if nosotros weren't experiencing every episode of Jersey Shore in tandem with the present-day tabloid timeline in which Ron and Jen are (unremarkably) nevertheless together.

In a scene that I am genuinely baffled has not already occurred on a much, much earlier flavour, Nicole and Mike engage in the timeless Bailiwick of jersey debate equally to whether the Garden State's favorite salty pig-based breakfast discs are properly termed Taylor ham (so says Nicole) or pork gyre (so says Mike, who is correct). I suspect that producers may have conveniently prompted them to have this conversation, but the passion behind information technology is real.

Deena'due south presence is sorely missed, and so rather than picking upward the phone and calling her, or making plans to assemble for dinner, the gang escalates with characteristic efficiency to plotting to kidnap her from her house. Walkie talkies, bandanas, and confront-concealing pantyhose hosiery are obtained with mysterious ease. Angelina, Nicole, and Jenni wear football game-way centre black on their cheeks. Pauly finds a box of enormous, meatball-sized trash numberless in a kitchen cabinet; Vinny hypothesizes Angelina owns an "unlimited stock" of trash bags, although I have it on skilful authorisation that she actually secretes them from the palms of her hands like Spider-man.

The heist is on. The roomies—minus Ron, who is dead asleep—drive to Deena's house, where their unnecessarily elaborate plan involves leaving a salami plate on the doorstep, ringing the bell, fleeing to the backyard, and entering via a sliding door. (I promise Deena has updated her home security since taping this, and likewise peradventure sent her neighbors an Edible Arrangement of apology.)

I can't imagine this ambush came as a consummate surprise to Deena, who is sitting inside her living room with a camera shooting her, but it is nevertheless very sweetness to watch these dummies gently dogpile on their 18-weeks-pregnant pal.

The "shore" house is overnice and clean, they hope, and information technology's not even far! She'll have her own bedroom and individual bath! Deena, who knows all also well the crowd she's dealing with, asks only one question before she agrees: "Did everyone do sex in my bed?" Fortunately, she loves the house, in spite of its vaguely "garbage-y" smell, and especially because of the ambrosial "Meatball on Lath" sign that decorates her door.

Ron won't rouse from his blanket bunker to greet Deena, even when Mike lifts his visibly drool-stained pillow to tell him they're going out to dinner. At the restaurant, his empty chair serves every bit a much-needed buffer betwixt Vinny and Angelina. Oddly enough, though, it'southward she and Pauly who accept past far the weirdest interaction of the night.

"Do yous have a bra on?" Pauly asks her, unprompted, so she invites him touch her 2-months-erstwhile set of new boobs, on the grounds that her fiancé hasn't even felt them withal. This news is received incredulously, which apparently suggests to Angelina that this is the perfect time to air all her grievances about sex with Chris. She'due south disappointed that their sojourns to the os zone take never again been as intense equally their first nighttime together. Helpfully, Angelina smacks one fist onto her other mitt with neck-bruising force to illustrate her indicate. "She only wants to be pounded out," Nicole coos sympathetically. Who among us?

Defended students of the Bailiwick of jersey Shore canon volition recall that, back in the day, Angelina and Pauly supposedly hooked up (I don't know about smushed, but) at some point betwixt shooting seasons 1 and two. In the cab ride home, Angelina tells the girls that she'southward "ecstatic" that "the king," a.1000.a. Pauly, should notice her boobs. "The male monarch of your life is your man," Jenni chides her. "My fiancé is the rex of garbagemen," Angelica replies. Alibi me! Roz on Frasier dated a garbageman, and ane day, that very guy went on to become President of the United states of america of America.

Back home, the Ronbernation continues, to everyone's not bad distress. "He's dyiiiing" is Nicole's exact diagnosis. I, for 1, am not worried. This is precisely how I spent well-nigh of my junior yr of high schoolhouse, when I wasn't on LiveJournal. (If we'd had smartphones then, I would've been on LiveJournal nether the covers.) Lo and behold, past morning, Ron is feeling much meliorate. He even joins the boys for a haircut.

Mike gets his olfactory organ hair waxed at the barbershop. When the dainty piddling sticks in his nostrils are ripped out, the men all marvel at the atrocious, gnarly bugger stubble that they've taken with them. Lucky for Ron, that's an image of renewal and optimism, of our freedom to leave behind the parts of ourselves we find icky.

Until, of course, you lot recall that olfactory organ pilus always grows back.

Jersey Shore Family Vacation Recap: Meatball's Eleven